Cancer!

I dislike the word cancer so much to me its a very bad word.

I wish there was a way that no one would ever get cancer.  Cancer is a tough disease to fight and get through.

I had my first experiment with cancer in 1990.  Wolf Daddy came home saying he had this big lump under his arm and ask me if it was normal I took a look at it and said no we are going to doctor in morning. 

Off to doctor we went first they thought it was just a cold settle in his lymph nodes.. but, they wanted him to go to another doctor that day to be sure. Off we went they thought it was a cold in the lymph nodes too. But, said surgery should be done soon to remove it so he wasn't so uncomfortable. 

It was around Thanksgiving and the doctor said he could wait till after the holidays to have it done. But, something in the back of mine keep saying no, no don't wait make them do it now.
Wolf Daddy said ok.  I looked at him and said no lets get it done. I ask the doctor when are you doing surgery next he said in morning I said good we will be there.  I remember the look on the doctors and Wolf Daddy's face they are like ok.  if that's what you want then it will be done.

Well the next morning we got up and went. Thinking it was nothing bad we both were in good mood that day.  Wolf Daddy was telling jokes all the way down to the operating table. 

I went to the waiting room and waited. Not long after that they came to me and told me that Daddy Wolf had cancer.  I thought I was going to faint. I remember looking at them with a blank look.. They told me they were going to finish up with him, sent the lump to be tested and they wanted to start chemo. right away, that same day. I said ok, lets get it going.

I then went to bathroom got some cold water ran it over my face and said Lord why?  You can't do this to me. We were trying to start a family.  

Andy, went through treatments and did good. 

Things were looking up.  We then had two wonderful Wolf Daughters that we are so proud of. They are our pride and joy. We try so hard and so long to have them.

Then in 1994 two months after I gave birth to youngest Wolf Daughter,  Wolf Daddy got sick again this time they thought he had the flu.  So, they were treating him with that but he wasn't getting any better.   So off we went to the doctor for more test.  

I waited in the waiting room with the Wolf Daughters and they came and got me and told me once again he had cancer.  I want to cry my eyes out and scream and yell why?  We have two beautiful young children that need him. They were only 2 years old  and 2 months how could you do this to us again. 

But, I knew I couldn't I had to hold it in, be strong for the Wolf Daughters and Daddy Wolf who was one sick man. 

They started him on Chemo right then and there. On top of it all it was Valentine's Day.  Then they were going to do radiation on him too. They were going to try and bite this in the butt good this time. 

Well the only other thing that went through my mind was I needed to be strong and step up to the plate more I had a sick husband and two very young children that needed me.

Got home that night after all the treatments put the girls and husband to bed.  I went outside and took a small walk and talk to God and told him I didn't believe in him anymore. Why was he doing this to me.  I wasn't strong enough to raise these to young children alone.  I cried it seem like for hours that night.

Got up the next morning and got the girls in snow suit and off we went to the doctor for more treatments.  For the next 6 months that was our highlight of the day taking daddy to doctor for treatments and waiting with while he went through it.  Oldest Wolf Daughter would sit on his lap and watch tv while they were giving him Chemo IV treatments.  Usually took anywhere from hour and half to two hours.

Things got better over time and now daddy wolf is going on 18 years of cancer free. But, I do watch him like a hawk.  Every time he gets sick I just want to cry and my mind does all these bad things.  I was hoping with time I would get better, but no I am not.

Then in 2002 his sister came down with brain cancer.  Wow not again I thought. We moved up to take care of her as she had a stroke and could no longer take care of herself.  She did not want to go to nursing home. We took care of her for 2 years before the Lord called her home.  R.I.P. Joan we miss you so much.  Your laugh was wonderful .  We now know you are in a better place.  At the time we didn't think so but now we do. 

Oldest Wolf Daughter was in third grade at the time and she was so in to helping her Auntie one day she look at me and said mommy. Auntie is dying isn't she. I said yes honey she is. She said its like watching a snowman melt slowly.  I just cried and cried and held her and told her that Auntie would go to a better place and have no pain. 

Then about a week ago my sister was told she had thyroid cancer.  She had surgery and is thinking about treatments. I do hope she stops smoking.

But, it seems no matter where you turn someone has cancer or been through. Now you see why I hate the word.