That C word!

Everyone has a word they can't stand to hear and mine is the C word or Cancer. I am so afraid of that word I hate it so bad. I know hate is a strong word and not to be use unless you really mean it and I mean it. I hate it and wish I never had to hear or see that word again.  
I was never so afraid in all my life then in  Thanksgiving of 1990 when Daddy Wolf came home and told me  he had a lump under his arm pit. We went to the doctor the next day. The nurse there said its nothing to worry about to come back and see the doctor after the holiday. Something in my gut said no don't do it. I sat there for a few seconds which seem like minutes and said no I want him to see a doctor today and let them decide. She gave me that look that would of knock a cow dead in its track but right then and there something or someone was saying you need to fight. I looked at her and I said I am sorry but I wanted him to see a doctor, she got up very upset and said ok just a minute. She came back and said the doctor will see him in about 20 minutes I said thank you, she just gave that wonderful look again. When she left the room Daddy Wolf said oh you didn't have to get her upset its ok we could of wait. I looked at him and said NO something is telling we need to get this done now.
The doctor came in looked at it and said the same thing doesn't look like anything bad, it can wait till after the holidays but it does need to be remove. I just wasn't comfortable with that either. He looked at me I am sure the nurse filled him in on me and he said I know your nervous about this and I can tell by the look on your face you aren't happy with my answer either, I said no. He said well I am doing surgery tomorrow morning I can remove it then. I said great. Andy said no I have to work I looked at him and said don't worry I will take care of your work. He said ok. I then went home to make some phone calls. Now that was before cell phones were the in thing. His work was very good and said tell him we will be thinking of him.  I then called his family to let them know, they ask if they need to come they were 5 to 6 hours away I told them no because the doctor and nurse thinks I am over reacting. 
Next morning the alarm clock went off at 4 am.  I was so nervous but trying so hard to be so strong and put on a front for Daddy Wolf.  So, I was laughing away and singing around the house getting ready but really I was crying inside.  We got at the hospital at 6 am and his surgery was 8 am they took him right in. I waited in the waiting room, they said it would only take 45 minutes at the most. When a hour went by my mind was playing those bad tricks again.  Then a nurse came and told me the doctor wanted to see me in his room. When I went there my knees were knocking so hard, my heart was beating so fast. I thought they had a band playing something for me but the whole time it was my knees knocking and heart beating. When I open the door to go inside there was Priest. I knew right then and there it was bad.  I got really hot and weak, they ask me to sit down I did and they told me that Daddy Wolf had Cancer they didn't know what stage he was in, but he was going to need Chemo. and they were going to start right away.  I cried and cried and said Thank God I was pushy or it might of been really to late.  They talk to me awhile then I went to the bathroom and close the door and never wanted to come out again. But, I knew I had to put on my big girl panties and get out there for Daddy Wolf. So I washed my face and went out to see him. He was just waking up.  I talk to him about it he understood what was going on and said he had a feeling it was cancer all along.  
They started Chemo. that day. A couple days later they got the results back and said it was a early stage. They told  Daddy Wolf you have to be thankful you have a pushy wife because if we would of waited till after the holiday's it would of been all over. 
Well we went through 6 months of treatment. Daddy Wolf did well and after that keep going to the doctor every month to every 3 months for check ups.   
Then after the birth of our second child Daddy Wolf got sick again. They thought he had the flu. But, everything they gave him wasn't working. I told them they need to run more test. Sure enough his cancer was back and this time it was all over. They told him he was going to need chemo and radiation at the same time and he was going to need it 5 days a week, for 8 months and no work. I looked at him, we hug each other and told him you have to do it we have a 2 year old and 2 month old. You have to fight. I will be behind you every step of the way.  That meet putting two little ones in snow suits 5 days a week to take Daddy to get his treatment. But, it will be done.  I cried so hard that night in the shower, just like the rain the tears keep falling. Then I said  WHY,  Why are you doing this to me?  I don't think I can handle this. I have two young children.  I just gave birth, I am tired. Why?  Then I slap myself and said Mama Wolf get those big girl panties out and start wearing them. You have to be strong for everyone now. 
I will be truthful with you all it was along haul. There were alot of scary times. But, Daddy Wolf did well. He is now 16 years Cancer free.  We are so happy and have two wonderful daughters who are growing and doing great. I Thank God every day for my wonderful family.

There is one thing thought every time Daddy Wolf gets sick I think the worst. Someday I hope to out grow it. I doubt it though.